On First Fruits
“Put first things first and we get second things thrown in. Put second things first and we lose both first and second things.” —C.S. Lewis
Pine trees in Big Sky, MT
This is easy in theory and difficult in practice. The seasons of my life when I struggle in vain are a result of my disregard to this concept. It is rare when I am not uncentered in my priorities.
When I was young, I wanted to fit in with friends. When I was in high school, I wanted to get good grades and make my parents proud. When I was in college I wanted to be pursued by a boy, and when I graduated, desperation hit a new high to get a job and money.
Once a job was attained, and quickly discovered to be pointless, my desire re-routed towards relationship, career, and family.
As it turns out, I am quite superficial. I conjecture most of us are. I don’t often serve others and when I do, it’s because that other is in some way linked to me, which transitively remains self-serving.
The interesting part is that while self-centeredness can certainly make one selfish and rude, more often it has the effect of making one moral and upright. There is no better way to satisfy a strong desire to feel good about oneself than by being a respectable person.
But behaving lawfully for the sake of feeling good about oneself remains, at its root, selfish.
Are we helping people for their sake or our own? Am I genuinely considering the unique needs of my patient, my classmate, and my neighbor, or am I serving them so I might prove my own self-worth?
This is a focal point of Saint Augustine and many early philosophers, who captured the futile plight of humans to earn our worthiness through secondary pursuits, even good ones, by saying, “our hearts were made for you, O Lord, and they are restless, until they rest in you.”
We all have an inherent need to feel worthy of belonging. We look to many things for security: our good deeds (or lack of bad deeds), our reputations, our salaries, our talents, our beauty, our spouses, our children, our intellect. The problem is all earthly things perish.
Most of us require painful trials to finally rest in the eternal. Old hymns capture this well.
“These inward trials I employ from self and pride to set thee free; And break thy schemes of earthly joy, that thou may seek thy all in me.” –John Newton
Sometimes, my life is rightly centered and flows smoothly. Other times, it certainly is not, and my heart groans. Currently, as I plan for life after graduation, I am finding it easy to succumb to the vortex of second, worldly things.
Each opportunity that comes and goes is a ping-pong of hope and disappointment. My spiritual muscles are stronger than they used to be, yet still extremely weak in their ability to re-center and rest in the eternal.
The transition from school to what lies beyond makes it difficult to resist putting second things first. And everything is second to that which is first.
At Columbus Naturopathic Medicine, we provide faith-based care to help you experience God’s design for meaning, purpose, and connection. If you are interested in working with Dr. Leah Gusching, you can learn more and schedule an appointment by clicking the link below.